God is in the business of creating families!

Last week we celebrated our 17th adoption at El Roi! Our sweet girl L is now happily in the arms of her Forever Family... a mommy, daddy and big brother who was also adopted from South Africa. One of the perks of this calling is having the opportunity to watch a family birthed right before your eyes. My wounded heart, smarting from an always painful goodbye is soothed by the promise of Psalm 68:6a coming to life in a long awaited and hoped for instant. A family of three finally becomes a family of four. Prayers are answered. Hopes are fulfilled. A new adventure begins. It is amazing to behold... and it never, ever, gets old! 

This little princess had such a unique and beautiful personality... independent, silly, introspective, stubborn and loving. A smile that is wide and accompanied by two of the deepest dimples I've ever had the privilege of admiring up close. I will remember the resoluteness living her eyes when she had decided to be stubborn about something. I will remember the funny season when she decided to call me "dada". I will remember her infectious laugh and the sweet satisfaction of a hard earned smile. I will remember her spontaneous, dive bomb hugs that would surprise and delight me. I will remember how we waited and prayed for her match to be approved for over six months and the joy when we finally heard word of her Forever Family making their way to fetch their baby girl. 

I believe that God's works are perfect and ALL His ways are just but there are times when my heart needs to be reminded. There are times when I need to pray that God would help my unbelieving heart. I am thankful for stories like L's that I will be able to look to when my heart needs encouragement. From the moment of her inception her good, good Father was working out a way to get her to the family he had created for her. I love adoption. I am so grateful that God adopted me. 

God is in the business of creating families!

I Wanna Be Like Jimmy...

I love Jimmy Fallon. I always say that if I could be BFFs with anyone "famous" it would be him. I adore his late night show (although I only watch it sporadically thorough clips posted on Youtube) and he can always, ALWAYS make me laugh. I seriously have a file on my computer of funny videos that I specifically keep to watch on my hardest days... 80% feature him. One thing I appreciate about his show is his ability to help his guests, co-workers and audience members feel at home and safe in Studio 6-B... at least that it what it feels like to the person watching it on her laptop 8,000 miles and 7 Time Zones away. 

Recently, Megan Trainor was on the show performing her song "Me Too" in a beautiful, sequined dress, singing well and moving pretty deftly around stage in super tall platform-y heels. At the very end of the song she reaches for her mic and tumbles to the floor when one of her ankles betray her in previously mentioned (now notorious) heels. At this point in time Jimmy is already addressing the audience and is on his way to her side. Instead of rushing her to her feet, cutting to commercial or editing the mistake out of the show altogether he chooses to lie on the floor beside her, look into her eyes and just be with her in the midst of the mistake. After a moment he helps her rise to her feet, makes a comment about the moment and the mistake, thanks her and encourages people to check out her music. And I have watched the clip at least 10 times already and it makes me love him all the more. 

I want to be like Jimmy at 3:45 in the Youtube clip below. I want to lay down beside people who are suffering, even the ones who are suffering at their own hand. To acknowledge unashamedly that we all make mistakes, that bad things happen and that even then we can do life together. I don't want to ignore or brush by or edit out suffering, failure, sin or pain in myself or others. I want to be willing to lay myself uncomfortably down (notice the sparkly mic digging into his shoulder blade) for the sake of meeting others where they are at. To pull them to their feet and point out the good and well-done in the midst of the training and failing and starting over that life provides. I want to live humbly and honestly and allow others to do the same for me in my fall to the floor moments... public and private ones.

I am grateful for the people in my life who have laid beside me in my weak moments, spoke truth into my life and pulled me to my feet so I could move forward. To learn from my mistakes, to make wiser decisions and to be even more grateful for the beautiful and mysterious grace of Christ in which I live. I want to be like Jimmy but even more I want to be like Christ... who even on my darkest days is right there beside me. Holding me close and calling me to better. Speaking truth into the good and hope into the grimmest parts of my heart. Standing beside me as a friend and encourager. Covering me in His perfection and hiding me in His love.

I am thankful that God let Jimmy and I be alive on this planet at the same time. We will probably never meet (although I'd love to make it to Studio 6-B one day -- #bucketlist) but I am blessed to witness who God has made him to be and for the opportunity to pray for Jimmy to fully come to know the One who loves and knows him best!

P.S. Thanks for all of you who have been praying for the babies and I this past week. We are managing to make it though the virus and are feeling healthier and happier as each day passes. We are so glad to have you on our team :) 

You Know it's Been Awhile When...

You know it has been awhile when the last time you updated your blog it was a year ago. How embarrassing. Now that I've addressed that elephant in the room let me tell you about some of my latest adventures:

                                  

In April the Volunteer Committee planned a getaway to Kruger National Park with all our International Volunteers, 13 in all! We had the best time discovering beautiful wildlife, the joys of Afrikaans Karaoke and the intense competition that games like Hand and Foot and Settlers of Catan can bring out in a group of friends :) 

          

We've just finished a season with an influx of wonderful, hysterical, talented and fun volunteers. It has been such a joy getting to know new people and strengthening bonds with friends from other trips. I had the unique privilege of getting to have my "worlds" collide when one of my "ex" students from my time in Littleton, Colorado came to serve with us for almost 2 whole months! I've know Kaylin since she was a itty-bitty teenager and it was such a joy to do life along side her again for a tiny slice of time! The Lord continues to show me the beauty in every season (even the ones that change too quickly for my taste) and helping me anticipate with joy the hope of heaven with every goodbye I embrace on earth. 

              

Speaking of which, in March we were able to celebrate El Roi's 16th adoption when Baby girl A was placed in her mommy's arms with her new brother right by her side! A few days after the adoption we received a special confirmation of this beautiful placement when her new mom shared with us this story. When our babies come to us, I make them a name tag with a picture and Bible verse that we've selected just for them. When Baby A's mom was praying about confirming the match He gave her James 3:17 and that is the exact verse that God had given me to put on her name tag! Her mom also decided to keep the name we had given her as her first name, which doesn't typically happen for someone being adopted so little. 

        

It's funny that even though I've had a few years to practice this love and release muscle in my heart and mind there are still some placements that knock me off my feet and drive me to the heart of our good, good Father. This was one of them. I am grateful to give of myself until it hurts... but, oh, can it hurt! Thankfully I have 11 precious littles to keep my heart full and my mind busy on the business of doing the good I have to do everyday. Even on the grief tainted ones. 

      

We currently have a house full of toddlers and we have been spending lots of time adjusting our schedules and patterns to adjust to a bunch of busy, growing, strong-willed little people. We have a few mantras that you can hear spoken dozens of time a day including the popular: 'listen and obey', 'chew your food', 'please, share' and 'do I need to go get Auntie Nicole?' It is so fun watching little personalities emerge in strong and clear ways. We've started an educational component to our days and it is amazing how quickly they are retaining shapes, colors, letters, numbers but most importantly: Biblical concepts, stories, songs and verses! 

  

We've entered our fall and it has been the perfect excuse to bundle up with blankets while working and looking for excuses to stop for coffee dates. We had Starbucks open up that is kinda/sorta near our pediatrician's office so it has been fun to pop in once or twice just because we could! It is funny how things from home just seem 1,000 times more exciting when they end up on African shores! 

                   

Other highlights had included getting invited to sing at some dear friend's wedding, a trip to Moyo (one of my favorite restaurants in Joburg), a donated haircut and color from a talented local volunteer and a change to represent El Roi at City Life CHurch's annual Epic Easter Egg hunt!

It has been a joy to feel more and more "at home" in my church community and I am grateful to have a wonderful base of people who I can message for a quick coffee date or heart to heart over a delicious place of ribs (ladylike, I know). I am loving getting to watch others grow up close... it encourages me to press in to do the hard inner work that will always, ALWAYS, drive us closer to the heart of our precious Jesus. Even more so, I am grateful for women who will pull me to the side and encourage me to run this race with endurance, throwing off everything that hinders or slows us down on this race to heaven. 

   

We are continuing to celebrate birthday and first teeth, we are working through regular doctor and OT visits and experiencing grand adventures like potty training. I continue to thank Jesus for a wonderful staff of paid and volunteer Aunties who help create a home environment where our kiddos can thrive!

                          

The South African economic situation has been tough and we continue to trust God to help take care of our babies and the running costs of their home. We have also been fighting many country wide battles for acceptance and facilitation of adoption in South African and abroad. Child abandonment and illegal abortions are on the rise. Many of our babies are awaiting families while there are only a handful of families available in South Africa and the government is reluctant to release children for Inter-country Adoptions. These are all God sized problems. They are not far from His heart or hidden from His eyes. Please join us in praying that God would inspire the change needed in the hearts and minds of those in positions of power who have the authority and responsiblity to help our babies find their Forever Families. 

Thank you to all of you have been praying, supporting, loving and holding me in this adventure. If you haven't liked the El Roi Facebook Page or haven't followed me on Instagram, I would love to invite you to do so today! I am much better about popping up pictures and updates there but I hope to see you again in the space much sooner than last time. If you would like more information about financially supporting me or El Roi directly please message me at nicolegillette@gmail.com. Until we meet again I would encourage you to spend a few minutes worship alongside me with one of my "reminder" songs here. Love you all so!

In Over My Head

If you've read many of my blog posts you've probably gathered how often our Father speaks to me through music. "In Over My Head" from Bethel's We Will Not Be Shaken album has been the anthem for the last two weeks or so, the lyrics more or less read:

I have come to this place in my life, I’m full but I’ve not satisfied 
This longing to have more of You, I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched, You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to

I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind 

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head 

And You crash over me, I'm where You want me to be

I'm going under, I'm in over my head

Whether I sink, whether I swim 
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head

There are so many moments in my day to day life that I feel completely in over my head, and not in a good way! There are so many needs, so many people, so many babies, so many desires and I am just one broken person who often feels like I'm barely treading water. But I know this is where God wants me to be. It is His grace and love that keeps calling me further and further from the shore of comfort and self that I can easily cling to. My heart has been divinely encouraged and reminded that I am not in over my head in life's struggles or the complexities of this calling. I am in over my head in grace and love, peace and joy, mercy and forgiveness, faith and power… all of the delights that Jesus died to bring me. This life is messy and there will be many days where my head hits the pillow and my heart will be heavy with the reminders of when I sank rather than swam. There will be days where I will feel like an olympic gold medal winner who just knocked out a record breaking 500 meter race (figuratively speaking, of course). Either way at the end of either day what matters most is that I find myself hidden in Christ, buried in His the beauty of the Cross and loved beyond all measure. If you have committed your life to Christ, you do, too. 

It has been a full two weeks, but here are some of the highlights: 

Lots of newborn snuggles … Celebrating Baby M's first birthday

 

A visit to the Lion Park with my friend, Andrew, who was in Joburg for a few days

 

Sharing at City Life Church on Mother's Day … Leading worship during Sunday Night service

 

Lastly I celebrated another Mother's Day too many miles away from my own mommy. When I was home last we were sorting through some old family pictures and we came across this one. And it is my favorite! I am that itty bitty baby being held so capably in the crook of her daddy's arm. I love the look on my mom's face. A joy that even sleep deprivation and the age of an old photograph can hide. I am so blessed to have been so well loved even from the very beginning of my early arrival. I am beyond grateful for my wonderful mommy and the amazing footsteps that I get to follow in with these babies-of-mine-for-now. Happy Mother's Day! I love you!

Nothing Like a Newborn

We welcomed our newest baby home this past week! A six day old little princess who is doing wonderfully in her new home-for-now. She has an adorably sweet disposition and is already putting on weight and settling in well. It has been quite a few months since we've had a newborn and all of our older babies are quite intrigued with this new little person who is taking up so much of "their" time with their Aunties :) 

One of the favorite parts of my job at the Baby House is participating in what I call "bonding initiation" with our new babies. I do my best to spend the first 24 to 48 hours with each of our new babies welcoming them into our home. I do "kangaroo care" with each one, taking off all their clothes and sticking them underneath my clothes so we are skin-to-skin. For our smallest and youngest babies this helps them maintain temperature and helps regulate their heartbeats. For all of our babies it begins to lay some of the first pathways of bonding in their precious brains and helps welcome them into the heart of our home: love! 

 

I love getting the opportunity to delight over every little, sleepy coo… listening for and witnessing sensations that belong exclusively to brand new babies. The weight of a little body completely surrendered to molding into the perfect space underneath your chin. The adorable uncertainty of first sneezes and itty bitty hiccups. Marveling over each newly heard sound, delighting in the softness of skin unweathered by time, soaking in the reliance of someone completely dependent. 

I know it sounds overly sentimental but I am convinced that there is something intangibly sacred about feedings and cuddles that happen in the still of the middle of the night. It is a privilege to soak up one-on-one moments unhindered by the busyness of our joyfully chaotic home. It is such a unique and fleeting treasure! It is just a snippet in the life of each of our babies that won't be easily forgotten. 

I always sneak a few middle of the night photos with each of my new babies. The photos typically end up grainy and poorly lit and I usually look like a new mom: extremely happy and a bit haggard looking! They are never the best (or most flattering) pictures but I want the Forever Families of each of my babies to know how loved their children were from the very beginning. There was someone who delighted in their baby until they could delight in them for themselves. And there is Someone who loves and delights in them even deeper still. The One who made them, knows them and loves them more than anyone ever could or ever will. Our good, good Father who is perfect in all of His ways. 

Distance Means So Little When Someone Means So Much

My friend, Sarah, sent me this reminder today from Holland via whatsapp (side note: all my American friends you have to find this app and download it so we can chat more). I have been back in Jozi for a week after spending a glorious three week whirlwind of a trip back in the US. I don't know if I can rightly describe how humbling and surreal it is to have found myself "at home" with so many precious hearts scattered all around the globe. 

 

Packing my bags and saying last goodbyes to my babies always feels unreasonably difficult; choking back tears and reminding myself again and again that three weeks will fly by. It's not that I am worried for them, our babies are blessed with amazing Aunties and a completely qualified support system, but I miss them when I can't kiss their precious faces every day. As I board the first of many flights, I feel the Holy Spirit gearing up my heart for all the goodness that awaits me 10,000 miles away and I start to truly get excited to be near to all my treasured loved ones on the other side of the globe. 

 

And my heart was not disappointed :) I don't think there could be enough words or pictures to describe what a blessing it is to be with my biological family, my home church family or my longest time friends. Day after day I was met with the grace and beauty of hearts who are united with mine in our precious Jesus and all the good He is authoring in our lives. 

 

I had opportunity after opportunity to share stories and pictures of the eternity shaping work God has been doing in and through His love in the lives of the littles that live in Johannesburg in the past 15 months. I was encouraged by the stories of His grace and provision in the lives of people who I hold so close to my heart. I got to give my niece and nephews dozens and dozens of kisses for them to store up until the next time we get to go on Auntie dates and have Auntie sleepovers. I laughed with my siblings and spent quality time enjoying the peace and presence of my parents in their new home. I recounted stories of adventures with dear ones who are walking in footsteps the Lord allowed me to leave behind in California. I was humbled with affirmations and support of this calling the Lord has placed on this season of my life that takes me so far from those who love me.

 

All the while I eagerly awaited news from the good things happening back at Refilwe. I heard of grumpy and teething babies and of a big boy K getting ready to take his first steps (I resisted the urge to tell the Aunties to push him over so he'd wait to take his first steps until I was back to witness them). Sweet smiles and baby babble words made their way to me across the waters as I soaked up time with American littles  who are nestled tightly beside my African babies held in my heart. It is strange to feel like I have family all over the world who will only meet one another on the other side of eternity. 

  

I love being an Auntie and I love that I get to be an Auntie to so many! I am thankful that God has provided me with the ability to hop on a plane and be near to those who live so far away. I am grateful for technology and FaceTime and pictures.  I am amazed that I can hop on a huge hunk of metal that hurtles itself through the sky so that in 24 short hours I can be on another continent and back to my African home. 

  

Only after being back a few short days I had the privilege of being reminded of the immense blessing of this season of my life when I got to participate in our 12th adoption! Baby boy S met his forever family this week and his placement reminded me of the sacred beauty of this journey called adoption. S's placement cemented another layer of trust and hope in my heart in the divine sovereignty of a good, good Father… trusting that God will always be the One who knows and loves all of us best! 

 

One of the awesome perks of being in America is having access to free, unlimited internet! I used the opportunity to purchase new music and one of my new favorites is "Deliver" by Matt Maher. The bridge sings:

And now I’m like a child at night
Who never has to think of why
We’re free to love and live and die
And there’s no need to justify
The sinner that’s inside of me
Has lost all his control of me

My God, from the flood and from the fire
You brought me out, I am alive
With a faith, just like a child
I’m not afraid, I’m running wild
For everything that will be done
I am yours and you are my
Deliverer

I am being convinced day by day that I can only do what I am called to do because of the Jesus living in me. It is because of my great Deliver that I am free to love and live and die to myself in a dozen little ways each and every day. It is because of His immense love that I am free to lay my head on my pillow at night and not have to lose sleep over all of the "whys" that I encounter living out this calling. It's because of the security Jesus purchased for me on the cross that I have hope for my real Home that awaits me on the other side of eternity. A place where the whole of my family will worship the King of Kings side by side and it is then that my joy will be made complete. I'm counting the days. Come, Lord Jesus, come.