May 13, 2015

In Over My Head

If you've read many of my blog posts you've probably gathered how often our Father speaks to me through music. "In Over My Head" from Bethel's We Will Not Be Shaken album has been the anthem for the last two weeks or so, the lyrics more or less read:

I have come to this place in my life, I’m full but I’ve not satisfied 
This longing to have more of You, I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched, You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to

I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind 

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head 
And You crash over me, I'm where You want me to be
I'm going under, I'm in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim 
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head

There are so many moments in my day to day life that I feel completely in over my head, and not in a good way! There are so many needs, so many people, so many babies, so many desires and I am just one broken person who often feels like I'm barely treading water. But I know this is where God wants me to be. It is His grace and love that keeps calling me further and further from the shore of comfort and self that I can easily cling to. My heart has been divinely encouraged and reminded that I am not in over my head in life's struggles or the complexities of this calling. I am in over my head in grace and love, peace and joy, mercy and forgiveness, faith and power… all of the delights that Jesus died to bring me. This life is messy and there will be many days where my head hits the pillow and my heart will be heavy with the reminders of when I sank rather than swam. There will be days where I will feel like an olympic gold medal winner who just knocked out a record breaking 500 meter race (figuratively speaking, of course). Either way at the end of either day what matters most is that I find myself hidden in Christ, buried in His the beauty of the Cross and loved beyond all measure. If you have committed your life to Christ, you do, too. 

It has been a full two weeks, but here are some of the highlights: 

Lots of newborn snuggles … Celebrating Baby M's first birthday

 

A visit to the Lion Park with my friend, Andrew, who was in Joburg for a few days

 

Sharing at City Life Church on Mother's Day … Leading worship during Sunday Night service

 

Lastly I celebrated another Mother's Day too many miles away from my own mommy. When I was home last we were sorting through some old family pictures and we came across this one. And it is my favorite! I am that itty bitty baby being held so capably in the crook of her daddy's arm. I love the look on my mom's face. A joy that even sleep deprivation and the age of an old photograph can hide. I am so blessed to have been so well loved even from the very beginning of my early arrival. I am beyond grateful for my wonderful mommy and the amazing footsteps that I get to follow in with these babies-of-mine-for-now. Happy Mother's Day! I love you!


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