Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mommies out there! 


 

I am so grateful for the mother that God gave me to and I am thankful for all of the other “moms” God has brought into my life along the way. I praise God for the women who have had a part in caring for me, shaping me, comforting and counseling me; women who have been living pictures of the nurturing, life-giving, comforting heart of Christ. I am such a blessed woman to have so many examples of what being a mom is all about!    

I am also counting myself blessed to be a “mommy” to all of my Door of Hope babies. Surely God has seen fit to satisfy my desire to be a mom though these precious little lives… and I am thrilled and humbled that God would call me to mother these dear ones. 

This past week I placed my precious Queen Bee into the loving arms of her mommy and daddy for the very first time. Every placement is bittersweet and beautiful but her handover was uniquely so. I don’t want to sound overly dramatic but I seriously think handing her over to her parents is one of the hardest things I’ve encountered since I’ve been here at DOH. Not because her parents aren’t wonderful (because they are beyond amazing, adorable, loving and kind) and not because I doubt that this is God’s good, pleasing and perfect plan for my girl but because I am going to miss being apart of her sunshine everyday. I know that she is special… she has a joy that tangible and a little heart that already knows how to love those in her life and I am going to miss being a specific recipient of the love that God has already birthed in her little eight month old life.

I had her with her as much a possible in the week that led up to her adoption day… letting myself enjoy the luxury of having her sleep in my arms, bringing her to church listening to her “sing” along to the worship songs, soaking up her countless expressions and doing my best to memorize the feel of her little hands knotted up in hair, the damp sweetness of her breath on my neck and the musical lilt of her laughter and squeals. We went to the mall together, picking out her adoption outfit with care (it’s the purple dress in the collage below) and happily agreeing with everyone who stopped to tell me how beautiful the baby I carried in my arms was. I spent time creating a special scrapbook for Queen Bee chronicling her days with us at DOH and the special relationship that we share. I gathered all the things that have made their ways to be her special things… blankets, the tutu Lauri bought for her in Napa, the tiny pink shoes I couldn’t resist buying her at Rosebank and all the pictures and videos we’ve taken of her since she’s been ours.

Thank you for everyone who was praying for me on her adoption day. Even though I was feeling emotional I was able to really enjoy the day. I dressed her in her new dress (complete with matching headband and the softest grey sweater ever made) and then began the walk towards the guest house where her parents were anxiously waiting. As we walked along she nestled her face into neck, wrapping her little hands one last time all up in my hair and gave me the gift of one last hug as my girl. As we got close to the house I turned her around, straightened her beautiful dress and kissed her goodbye and felt the peace of Christ rained down on my heart. Queen Bee happily went into her parent’s arms and even though she was tired other than a few moments of fussy whines she was a perfect angel while I shared all about her. Her sweet parents were already in love, paid rapt attention to all of her details and cried with me at the end when I shared the promise the Lord had given for her life: to turn every curse that the Enemy handed her into blessing! As we stood to leave they warmed my heart by thanking me for loving their daughter and asking me, “So, how did we do? Do you like us?” Too cute! I’ve heard a few updates thus far and Queen Bee is being her perfect self… hardly crying, laughing a lot and confirming for all of us that this certainly is a match ordained and orchestrated by God Himself. I will get to see host her family’s visit to Baby House 3 week after next and then she will board her very first plane and fly home.

I will carry her heart in mine for always… praying for her salvation, wondering about her growing up and asking God for His continued protection, provision and guidance. I am looking forward to the miraculous Day on the other side of eternity when we will worship the God who saved us both side by side. When I get to hear the testimony of the entirety of her life and see with my own eyes how God used her to bring Himself glory according to His good pleasure and limitless mercy and grace. For the day when I get to introduce her to all of the faithful who prayed for her and loved her even though they never had the pleasure of meeting her face to face.

Thank you for continuing to pray for my heart as I grieve saying goodbye and as I prepare my heart for the next little person who will cozy up into the spot already reserved in my heart for them right next to Queen Bee’s and JJ’s. I have two additional handovers this upcoming week… two other families made complete through the sacred act of adoption. I am blessed, humbled and honored to be here, participating in such a needed and rewarding ministry. 

So thankful for all of the love and support coming this side from all of you! I praise our Lord every time I think of you! XOXOXO ~ nicole and her babies

P.S. Here's a collage of Queen Bee and me!

Hi friends! Sorry for my monthlong absence! Things have been wonderfully full and busy and wild and fun and did I mention full?! Since I've blogged last we've welcomed 5 new babies and I've been able to introduce 5 new families to their new babies for the first time. I feel like I am just beginning to make my way out of a really dense fog of transition in resettling back here at DOH and in South Africa in general. The good news is that I feel like I have finally found my "sea legs" once again... thanks so much for the prayers, words of encouragement and support. 

I had the joy of placing our biggest girl with her mommy at the beginning of this month. Toddler placements are sensitive introductions but this placement was absolutely picture perfect! Our big girl was excited, relaxed and beyond ready to meet her mommy. A week or so before the placement, I started showing her pictures of her new family, discussing the placement process and preparing her for her big day. We spent time picking up out her outfit, packing up all of her mementos and going over and over the whole process. The big day finally arrived and our girl did so well! She confidently walked into her mom's arms, happily sorted through all of her new presents and boldly sang the song we practiced together day after day. In her little mousy voice she sang: "I can do all things, all things, all things. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13" louder than she had ever practiced! They had a lovely picnic in our garden, had a brief tour and then off she went to start her new life with her precious new family. She has been made for amazing things!

One of our boys meet his precious family this past week: a mommy, a daddy and a big sister who was also adopted from Door of Hope a few years ago! The placement was possibly one of the most peaceful handovers I've been apart thus far. Our boy was so settled and his family was so sweet and quiet I almost felt like I should be whispering the whole time! It was very special... here we are waiting outside right before we met his sister. As you can see we are heading into fall... he loved stepping on all the crunchy leaves.

My little "California State Flower" met her family this month as well. Our girl bonded immediately with a lovely local couple who became parents for the very first time once she was settled into their eager arms. It was a unique placement because the handover happened onsite at Baby House 2. I loved that the Aunties got to meet the family on adoption day and got to see our baby girl all dressed up and ready for her placement. I am always amazed at our Father's faithfulness to place our little ones into the arms of their parents at the perfect time and in the perfect way. Here she is all dressed up and ready to meet mommy and daddy!

I got some exciting and (sad for me) news: my Queen Bee is going to her family in her family's arms in just over a week's time! I am going to miss her SO MUCH but I am so very thankful that she will be going home soon. She is just the most delightful, joyful and content babies I've ever had the joy of loving. I cannot imagine how much joy, love and happiness she is going to be bringing to her new mommy and daddy. One of the good parts of her going to her family soon is that I get to take her out to socialize her. For Queen Bee that included coming over to my flat and getting a pedicure:

And she had another couple of hundred pictures taken including a photo shoot including a set of pictures in one of the most fun outfits ever! Auntie Lauri bought this amazing tutu for Esther when I was home over Christmas. The shirt and leg warmers are from Target... I have to say that babies in leg warmers might be one of my favorite things ever!

This picture is from one of the photo shoots we took outside and this picture totally reminds me of my brother Dan's songs that he wrote for his wife Emily. "...she folds her hands in just the right way...". Queen Bee is a little princess in so many perfect ways! 

I am going to miss my girl more than I think I am ready for! I feel more connected to my Queen Bee than any of my kiddos before... even more than my big boy "JJ". When she first arrived she spent the first two weeks of her life with me... including all of her middle of the night feedings, her first cries and coos and her first bath. She wriggled her little way right into my heart over those 14 days and has never left! So I am busy covering her in kisses and soaking her in as much as I can until the day we have to part ways...

We are quickly heading into fall her in Jozi which means it is officially baby snow suit weather in our houses. Here are a few of the cutest snapshots. Here is Queen Bee in a fabulous pink one:

One of my favorites is this penguin one for our little BH3 baby boys:

Complete with little penguin footies:

 Here is baby "H" in a pink bear outfit... her hands are also folded perfectly!

I've been gathering up things to put into Queen Bee's scrapbook and I've decided to include this E.E. Cummings in her book. I think it sums up perfectly how I feel about my babies and our time together. I will leave you with it below. Thank you for your prayers and love... we love you! 

Love, nicole and her babies

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) 
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) 
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows 
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

A Few Pictures for Fun...

Happy St. Patrick's Day and Happy Birthday to my brother, Robert! As a festive holiday treat and present for my brother I thought I would post a few pictures:

 Here are my Queen Bee's cute feet. One of the cutest things she does is crossing her ankles for the majority of her day like a proper member of royal society should. So very cute!

 Lisa and I took two of our toddlers who are soon to be adopted to our favorite mexican restaurant, Cafe Mexicho, for some socialization last week. This is one of the pictures I managed to take holding them while Lisa was in the bathroom. Not a super great shot but perfect for the blog!

 Here our big man A chilling on the table after our yummy meal was complete. Both kids were perfect angels and big hits with everyone who walked by!

 As you may have heard the last 3 weeks have been pretty hectic in our biggest baby house with a fast spreading illness that ended up sending 4 our of little to the hospital. Thank you for all of your prayers. I currently have 8 babies still on antibiotics and 1 little girl still in the hospital. Please pray that we do in fact have the bug under wraps, that no one else will require hospitalization and that baby "H" gets better and discharged soon!

 At BH1 we have a bunch of big babies who are in the pulling themselves up on furniture and cruising all around the furniture... we are going to have some walkers soon!

 Part of my job is to take and send recent photos of all of the babies being matched... as most parents know you have to take about a 100 bad ones to get 10 good ones. This is one of the rejects of one of our girls' photo shoots. 

 Here is one of my BH1 big babies cruising around in one of our wakers... he is so fast!

 One of our BH3 boys is 6 months old and super advanced... crawling like a pro and already pulling himself up in his cot and on furniture. Here is he trying to escape during a photo shoot...

At BH1 in our big babies department all but 2 are eating cereal in the mornings. How they do it is set up all the "bumbo" seats and they all take turns waiting to eat and it is the cutest thing to watch! Here is a picture of one of our little men waiting his turn!

Love you guys! Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support! I am a blessed girl...

Hugs and kisses from Nicole and her babies

March Madness... I Hope Not!

Happy March! The passage of time continues to amaze and astound me. I find it hard that I’ve already been back in South Africa for over a month. In some ways it feels like this has been the longest month ever but then it feels like I was just happily sipping a caramel macchiato back in CA. Weird. So, confession time: I am writing this blog from my bed. And yes, it has been that kind of week. I had every intention of spending the afternoon in the office, updating my blog and catching up on emails but I cannot seem to forsake my comfy pillows for my squeaky office chair. I’ll upload it tomorrow! This week has included but was not limited to:

-       One amazing visit with my sweet boy’s adoptive family at Baby House 2

-       Two beautiful handovers where 2 families met their babies for the first time

-       Three babies starting cereal for the first time including my Queen Bee at Baby House 3

-       Seven babies carted to Big Shoes to see our pediatrician, Janet

-       Seventeen hours sitting in Casualties (what we call our emergency room) with 2 sick baby girls who both are currently in the hospital with chest infections

And those are just a few highlights… that may be why I can’t get out of bed this afternoon!

Saying goodbye to the little man I named has been a multi-layered process that I’m still trying to identify and work through. I am confident that he was matched with the family that our Father chose for him. They are a delightful, kind and unassuming family who already love him. He has an older brother who is three, adorable, curious and friendly. I can see them years from now charming their way out scuffles, defending one another, giving their sweet mother grey hair and making friends with everyone they meet. I am convinced that the love Christ coming through me has made it’s mark on JJ’s soul and I am praying that when the time comes when he encounters Jesus’ love in grown up ways that it will familiar and safe. I guess this whole handover process all boils down to surrender. Not just the physical handover, leaving the baby I’ve loved like my own for over a year in the arms of strangers, but surrendering all my perceived rights and privileges of loving him special. Within the context of Door of Hope everyone knew that the relationship I shared with JJ was special, unique and identifiable but when I handed him to his parents I also had to hand over that “right” to the Lord. It has been a hard three weeks… waiting for bits of news about how his transition was going, what name his parents had decided to give him and anticipating their visit where we would have to say goodbye and he would head home to Sweden for good. I had to continually ask the Lord to remind me that His invest of love in JJ’s life through me is of eternal worth and that it cannot be diminished by the passage of time or the forgetfulness that time often brings. This past Wednesday JJ and his family came to tour Baby House 2 and it was such a special time. They were super cute, videoing me the whole time, asking me to recount stories of his time with us and asking many questions about his time with us.  They took pictures by his cot, of his friends and a group shot of all the Aunties on duty. They brought treats for the staff and a sweet, silver necklace pendant for me. His mom “wore” him in a wrap but JJ was all smiles, reaching for me the minute he saw my face. As I walked them to the door I was able to hug each of them and kiss my boy’s face for the last time. I pray that we will meet again, that somehow, someway that I will be able to bear witness to the testimony of his precious life. I pray that our good and gracious God will woo JJ to Himself and redeem his soul. I pray that one day I will be able to introduce him to all of you as we gather together to worship the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Until that glorious day I will choose to entrust my boy to the One who made him, the One who knows him and will always love him best.

Thank you for all of the prayers and beautiful words of kind love and support. The transition back to work and life here has been rough in comparison to when I first moved here. I think there have just been a lot of transitions and changes all at once complied with new babies to get to know and love, JJ’s adoption, a new roommate and the realization that I won’t be back in CA for a long time has made it a lonely couple of weeks for me. However I am more convinced than ever that this is EXACTLY where the Lord wants me loving and serving and I am delighted to be back  with my babies! Please be praying for baby G and baby A, two of my little girls who are currently in the hospital fighting chest infections. Please pray for healing, swift recoveries and that we will find supernatural favor from the hospital staff members who care caring for my girls. I am grateful for your prayers and love. I thank our Jesus for you every time He brings one of you to mind.

Hugs and blessings,

Nicole and her babies

P.S. Here are some pictures for your enjoyment... also check out  http://www.africastories.org/ to check out some recent video work done for us by our good friend Margie Drane! 

 One of my new able men... 

 Another sweet man on his first day with us!

 The itty bitty hand of one of my new girls

One of the promo photos for the video work done by Margie

Back in the Saddle Again!

I cannot believe how very fast my first furlough has passed by! I had the BEST time loving on my family, hanging out with friends, traveling to a few fun spots and sharing all about my hopeful adventure thus far. Although I missed my babies and Aunties something fierce, I am so thankful for my time in the US.

For a few months now I’ve been feeling led to really keep my eyes open for all of the ways that the Father is choosing to bless me. Since I’m His kiddo, He has promised to bless me just like He has showered blessings on all of His kids in millions of and millions of ways since the beginning of Creation. However there have been times where I have been guilty of focusing on what He hasn’t chosen to bless me with rather than with what He has (can I get a shout out from the single ladies on this one?)! I’ve been doing a word study on blessing since October and feel like the Father is reminding me to acknowledge His blessings in all the ways they come including the not-so-pleasant ones. So in view of His glorious blessings here are a few of the blessing highlights of the past 8 weeks:

-        I love my family! I am continually encouraged to get to know my fabulous parents, watch my siblings grow into men and women of faith and influence and get to experience the specific joy of being an Auntie to 4 of the most beautiful and charming boys around! I am beyond grateful to share faith with my family as well as lots of traveling adventures, hysterical everyday laughter and opportunities to partner in ministry alongside such amazing people!

-         I love my friends! It has been such an honor to share life with so many wonderful people who love Jesus and love me so well! I loved getting to catch up with so many precious friends face to face while I was in the US. I praise Jesus for the stories He is crafting in each of my friends’ lives. I know it is difficult to be friends with someone who lives on the other side of the world but I am grateful that these cherished ones continued to share their hearts with me while I was in town. Thank you for caring for me so well… for investing your hearts, time, prayers and finances in my adventures here in South Africa!

-      I love Valley Bible Church and the family that the Lord has called to serve and love together in Pleasanton, CA! I know it sounds trite, but it feels like I never left (other than the awesome remodeling in the foyer and the beautiful new sanctuary additions). I loved having the opportunity to be apart of a congregation that I have loved for so long in familiar ways like singing on Sunday mornings or sitting in on a staff meeting. I am humbled and blessed by the generosity of giving, love, support and genuine interest in my hopeful adventure. Thank you for the words of encouragement and the beautiful confirmation on the Lord’s calling on this season of my life!

-         I am humbled by the Lord’s provision and favor in brining me back! I received so many donations for my babies (as well as an extra bag of tap shoes for another missionary who is loving on the orphans at Refiwe by teaching dance lessons here in South Africa) that by the time I checked in on Sunday night I had one extra and two overweight bags. As we began to chat with the lovely lady checking us in she informed me that I was looking at paying $400.00 per bag! Thankfully, as I explained why my bags were so large and so many the woman standing next to us said that sometimes United will waive said fees for people doing the kind of volunteer work that I do. Long story short, I was able to check all three bags and did not pay one single fee!!! These lovely ladies were also able to check me in for my connecting flight and print me out a boarding pass that kept me from paying any fees with the other airline. I was able to sleep all the way to New York and once I boarded the airplane headed for Jo-berg I was given the special treat of an entire row to myself so I was able to lay down almost the whole way here! Talk about special blessing! I made it through Customs without a hitch and sat and enjoyed a Coke Light while waiting for my friend Lisa to come fetch me!

                                                                                                                                                                            

    Jackson happily celebrated his birthday with 2 other boys from his house and was placed with his beautiful family on Monday. I will have to write a WHOLE blog just about his placement and me processing our goodbye. But until then, here are a few fun pictures to share: 

JJ on his birthday!

Baby A checking out his birthday card!

One of our newbies who arrived this past weekend!

My brother Robert (or my sister-in-law Karina) took this beautiful picture!

 I miss you, my dear ones! Please know that you are on my mind and in my prayers even while we are far apart. May the light of Christ be evident as it shines on you today!

2012...

Welcome to 2012! It seems absolutely wild to even type that number or write in my journal but here we are: January 2012. Wide open possibilities, stories yet to be told, adventures yet to be had and lessons yet to be learned! 

I’ve had the very best time spending time with my precious family and dear friends here in California. We had a wonderfully full Christmas celebration including many opportunities for me to sing at VBC and lots of cuddle time with all four of my nephews. Some of my family members and I braved the beautiful chaos of Disneyland at Christmas time and ushered in the New Year in California Adventure watching fireworks and colors bounce off the extremely foggy night sky. My highlights of the trip include riding “Soaring Over California” nestled in-between my nephews Isaiah and AJ holding tight to their hands and watching their faces experience the ride for the first time. As well as all of the one-on-one time I got to spend with Noah who was too little to ride the majority of the rides but had a blast watching all of the people and the rides as they zoomed by. I had a wonderful time with my sisters and laughed so hard I cried on more than one occasion. It’s been so special being back in California but I have to admit I’ve been missing my babies something crazy and I can’t wait to hold each of them in my arms once again!

A few days before Christmas I visited my sister Melinda’s church for a Christmas service. Just as the service was beginning Melinda introduced me to a little family who had just had a baby girl earlier in December. With their permission I held her for the worship segment of the service and as soon as Melinda placed the tiny bundle in my arms I totally started to cry. Not graceful, subtle, easily hidden tears but embarrassing, surprising sobs that caught me completely off guard. I missed my babies! I missed my calling and all of the certainty and peace that it’s brought to me heart and mind. The past few weeks have brought into brilliant clarity the longing that has been and will continue to be sprinkled into my life while serving at DOH. When I am in South Africa I am missing the close proximity of my family, my friends, my church family and the cozy familiarity that being in the Bay Area provides. But while I’ve been here in California I’ve missed my babies, my Aunties, my roommates, the climate and culture that have been my home for the past 13 months. Above all else I am longing for heaven and for the beautiful day my Savior will hold the real me in His arms, that amazing day when He will make all things new!

I am excited to spend the next few weeks continuing to share about my adventure at DOH and all of the precious little ones the Father has planted into the depths of my heart! Please pray that I would be able to clearly share my story and our babies’ stories over yummy cups of coffee and from church pulpits. Please pray that I would use my time wisely and that I would be able to connect with everyone who I am supposed to. Please pray that I would be able to carve out time for my nephews, for my family and friends. Please be praying that the Lord would continue to spark peoples’ hearts to pray for me and to prayerfully invest in practically supporting my adventure. I’ve been encouraged in so many ways and I pray that these last few weeks in California would be protected, full and showered with favor and joy.

May the God of all hope encourage you and hold your hand as we head into this brand new year!

Much love….

~ Nicole

Here are some pictures of me and my precious nephews:

 Getting some Parker cuddles in Green Bay

Noah and I people watching in Disneyland

 Isaiah looking gangster waiting for our turn on the Toy Story ride

 AJ was kind enough to offer up a smile for his Toy Story "Partner"

 Captain Jack Sparrow

 Me and my good friend Peter Pan

 Noah and I sharing a Christmas cookie and Isaiah's school Christmas party

My favorite Parker Christmas picture (I stole it from his mommy's facebook page)

Merry Christmas and Thank You!!!

Merry Christmas and lots of thanks from Nicole and all of her Door of Hope Babies!

I have been LOVING being back in California, enjoying precious Christmas celebrations with friends and family! I've had the privilege of singing at the Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services at Valley Bible Church (my home church in Pleasanton, CA) alongside good friends and my brother!

We had a precious Christmas celebration with my parents, my siblings, their children and an old friend thrown in for some extra fun filling our house with 15 people to give hugs and loves to. We had a wonderful time celebrating my newest nephew Parker's very first Christmas! A good time was had by all and I pray the very same for you and your dearest ones. 

I have been in the US for 26 days now and since I've been gone DOH has welcomed 6 new babies that I am very anxious to meet face to face when I return. Please be praying for baby Jo Jo, one of my preemies who had to spend his Christmas in the hospital with pneumonia. Please pray that he responds quickly to the antibiotic treatments and that he will be released to come home soon! 

I am heading to the Happiest Place on Earth tomorrow with a gaggle of family members and friends to usher in the New Year! Here are some glimpses of a few of my babies' First Christmases... 

         

Much love and blessings from Nicole and her babies! XOXOXOXOXOXO