May 13, 2012

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mommies out there! 


I am so grateful for the mother that God gave me to and I am thankful for all of the other “moms” God has brought into my life along the way. I praise God for the women who have had a part in caring for me, shaping me, comforting and counseling me; women who have been living pictures of the nurturing, life-giving, comforting heart of Christ. I am such a blessed woman to have so many examples of what being a mom is all about!    

I am also counting myself blessed to be a “mommy” to all of my Door of Hope babies. Surely God has seen fit to satisfy my desire to be a mom though these precious little lives… and I am thrilled and humbled that God would call me to mother these dear ones. 

This past week I placed my precious Queen Bee into the loving arms of her mommy and daddy for the very first time. Every placement is bittersweet and beautiful but her handover was uniquely so. I don’t want to sound overly dramatic but I seriously think handing her over to her parents is one of the hardest things I’ve encountered since I’ve been here at DOH. Not because her parents aren’t wonderful (because they are beyond amazing, adorable, loving and kind) and not because I doubt that this is God’s good, pleasing and perfect plan for my girl but because I am going to miss being apart of her sunshine everyday. I know that she is special… she has a joy that tangible and a little heart that already knows how to love those in her life and I am going to miss being a specific recipient of the love that God has already birthed in her little eight month old life.

I had her with her as much a possible in the week that led up to her adoption day… letting myself enjoy the luxury of having her sleep in my arms, bringing her to church listening to her “sing” along to the worship songs, soaking up her countless expressions and doing my best to memorize the feel of her little hands knotted up in hair, the damp sweetness of her breath on my neck and the musical lilt of her laughter and squeals. We went to the mall together, picking out her adoption outfit with care (it’s the purple dress in the collage below) and happily agreeing with everyone who stopped to tell me how beautiful the baby I carried in my arms was. I spent time creating a special scrapbook for Queen Bee chronicling her days with us at DOH and the special relationship that we share. I gathered all the things that have made their ways to be her special things… blankets, the tutu Lauri bought for her in Napa, the tiny pink shoes I couldn’t resist buying her at Rosebank and all the pictures and videos we’ve taken of her since she’s been ours.

Thank you for everyone who was praying for me on her adoption day. Even though I was feeling emotional I was able to really enjoy the day. I dressed her in her new dress (complete with matching headband and the softest grey sweater ever made) and then began the walk towards the guest house where her parents were anxiously waiting. As we walked along she nestled her face into neck, wrapping her little hands one last time all up in my hair and gave me the gift of one last hug as my girl. As we got close to the house I turned her around, straightened her beautiful dress and kissed her goodbye and felt the peace of Christ rained down on my heart. Queen Bee happily went into her parent’s arms and even though she was tired other than a few moments of fussy whines she was a perfect angel while I shared all about her. Her sweet parents were already in love, paid rapt attention to all of her details and cried with me at the end when I shared the promise the Lord had given for her life: to turn every curse that the Enemy handed her into blessing! As we stood to leave they warmed my heart by thanking me for loving their daughter and asking me, “So, how did we do? Do you like us?” Too cute! I’ve heard a few updates thus far and Queen Bee is being her perfect self… hardly crying, laughing a lot and confirming for all of us that this certainly is a match ordained and orchestrated by God Himself. I will get to see host her family’s visit to Baby House 3 week after next and then she will board her very first plane and fly home.

I will carry her heart in mine for always… praying for her salvation, wondering about her growing up and asking God for His continued protection, provision and guidance. I am looking forward to the miraculous Day on the other side of eternity when we will worship the God who saved us both side by side. When I get to hear the testimony of the entirety of her life and see with my own eyes how God used her to bring Himself glory according to His good pleasure and limitless mercy and grace. For the day when I get to introduce her to all of the faithful who prayed for her and loved her even though they never had the pleasure of meeting her face to face.

Thank you for continuing to pray for my heart as I grieve saying goodbye and as I prepare my heart for the next little person who will cozy up into the spot already reserved in my heart for them right next to Queen Bee’s and JJ’s. I have two additional handovers this upcoming week… two other families made complete through the sacred act of adoption. I am blessed, humbled and honored to be here, participating in such a needed and rewarding ministry. 

So thankful for all of the love and support coming this side from all of you! I praise our Lord every time I think of you! XOXOXO ~ nicole and her babies

P.S. Here's a collage of Queen Bee and me!


  1. I cried as I read this! Love you lots and I'm ecstatic to see you in a month!!

  2. i CANNOT wait to introduce you to my kiddos! and to spend time with you?! love you!!!

  3. Oh Nicole, My heart just broke as I read this journal is a very big love indeed to be able to love fully and then sacrifice for her little life in giving her up. Thanks for including Becky and I in your "mom" note! I felt blessed and honored! Miss you!
    Cathy (Farrar)

  4. The best story ever! And it's not ending! It will get a very happy follow up, don't know when or where but you will meet again!!!! Big hug from à little star


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