#eternallybittersweet

Yesterday was a historic day for our family at El Roi! The first baby we received in our home was placed into the loving arms of his Forever Family! I fetched our little Rockstar at two weeks old after he had been found abandoned in a rubbish bin. His hospital tag read "Baby Unknown"but we know that he was known by his Creator from the moment of his conception! 

From our very first hugs to our very last kisses this little man has been nestled securely into my heart. I was thinking over my time in South Africa thus far and because of his individual needs this little man was the longest time period that I've been able to call a baby "mine". Those of you who know me well know how I've always longed to be a mother… since before I can remember. (When my mom used to take me to the shops when I was small I would carry around a bag of beans pretending it was my baby… talk about divine programing, haha!) And this little man has satisfied my heart's desire to be a mom longer that any of my babies have. 

  

It has been a privilege to celebrate so many of his "firsts"… first bites, steps, holidays, milestones, friendships, yoga poses, explorations… I am grateful that God gave our family the privilege of caring for such a precious, clever, kind, brave, bold and loving little man. I am convinced that I've held one of this generations brightest stars in my arms. Whispering God's truth into his heart every day that he's been with us. Truths like: "You were made for amazing things" and "You are wanted and loved" and "Listen and obey your Aunties so your heart can learn to obey God" and "Jesus is the One who will always know and love you best"

  

             

             

Yesterday I dressed you for the last time in your skinny blue jeans and new shoes. I gave you last kisses and whispered last sweet words. I watched with a full heart as your older brother took you by the hand lead you into the guesthouse and marveled at God's goodness and provision for you, my precious boy. I smiled brave smiles as I gave final advice and instructions to your loving and attentive parents. I laughed as the four of you sat on the floor playing with newly purchased toy cars, trucks and planes all purchased in duplicate in hopes that you and your brother won't fight over them. My heart broke when I announced my departure and stood to leave because you immediately came to my side and reached up for my hand. But I was proud when you walked me to the gate in your mother's arms, gave me one final kiss and watched me leave, bravely trusting the new arms that held you tight. 

   

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart]

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in 

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere 

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done 

by only me is your doing,my darling) 

                                                      i fear 

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want 

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) 

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant 

and whatever a sun will always sing is you 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows 

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud 

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows 

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) 

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart 

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Goodbye, sweet love, I'll see you on the other side!